Icha Icha Obession
by Hatake Ai
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto uncover the REAL Icha Icha Obession. KakaIru and slight SasuNaru.
1. Chapter 1

Icha Icha Obession

By: Hatake Ai

"Once upon a time, there was a- BLABLABLA!!! Sasuke-kun, i'm so bored!!" Naruto whispered frantically to Sasuke during Kakashi-senseis' new mandatory 30-minute silent reading session.

"I know, I know..." Sasuke whispered back, "I never knew that 'Ninja Digest' was such a boring magazine...I mean really; 'The Dangers of Shirukens and other Ninja Tools & How to Protect Your Friends And Family'? We're friggen' NINJAS!!!!"

Kakashi shushed them, and continued reading his 'Icha Icha Violence' book, which Naruto could have sworn that he saw the Jounin reading last month.

"Hey, Naru-kun, how many Icha Icha books do you think Kakashi-sensei has?" Sasuke asked.

"Tch, I dunno, probably shelves-ful of them. I bet he and Iruka-sensei read them when they-"

"HEY!!!! NARUTO UZUMAKI AND SASUKE UCHIHA! SHUT THE HELL UP!!" Kakashi yelled; it seemed almost unnatural because he was normally so lax.

"But-"

"Look you two, my relationship with 'Ruka-chan is really none of your business." Kakashi explained, calming down.

"Heh heh...'Ruka-chan...heh heh heh, he calls 'im a girl..." Naruto snickered, while Sasuke noticed Kakashi glare at him with such intensity, it could have burned through even the strongest of shinobi. Just then, the timer next to the tree where Kakashi was sitting chimed loudly.

"There," Sasuke said, "30 minutes is up. Can we go now?"

"Yeah, yeah, alright...Meet back here tomorrow, at the crack of noon." Kakashi told the Genin. Naruto and Sasuke began to trudge home, with Sakura ever at their heels. Kakashi brought up the rear, reading his book. When Sasuke and Naruto returned to Narutos' house, Naruto began to think about Kakashi and Irukas' relationship. They SEEMED like the perfect couple, but what if Iruka was...annoyed by Kakashis' obsession with those books? Did he like them too? Or was he pretending to like them for Kakashis' sake?

"Hey Sasuke..."

"Hmm?

"Do you think Iruka-sensei ever gets annoyed with Kakashi-sensei?"

"Like...about his Icha Icha obsession?" (Sasuke choked on this, realizing he had just thought up a pretty damn good name for an Icha Icha book)

"Yeah.."

"Well, I think that if he was, he would have told Kakashi-sensei that by now..."

"I guess so...hey, "Icha Icha Obsession' is a pretty damn good name for an Icha Icha book, you know."

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	2. Chapter 2

Icha Icha Obsession

By: Hatake Ai

Kakashi flung open his front door, dropped his bag on the floor, and flopped onto the sofa. He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep, but a sudden crash from the kitchen disturbed him. He jumped from the sofa, startled, and grabbed a kunai from his bag. Using the stealth and agility that only a ninja could pull off, he headed for the kitchen door. Opening it, Kakashi came to the realization that there was someone in his house. And they were preparing a meal.

_"What the hell?! What kind of intruder breaks into someones' house to use their kitchen?" _Kakashi thought, still standing in the doorway. The cooking intruder hadn't taken notice to him yet. There was something about him, though. Something that seemed familiar, but Kakashi wasn't just about to start calling out to this intruder. That's a pretty good way to get yourself killed. So, without stopping to think (like he should have), or to look at the face of the intruder, he pounced, jabbing him in the shoulder.

"AHHHHHH!!!" the man yelled, falling to the floor. Kakashi could almost hear him sobbing quietly.

_"Some thief...first he breaks into my house to cook, and now he's crying? Wait...is that-?"_

Kakashi really had no idea what he had just done. Examining the man, he noticed that he WAS familiar. Dark brown hair, light brown skin, and, to Kakashis' horror, a distinctive scar along the bridge of his nose.

"R-Ruka-chan..?"

"Kashi..." Iruka stuttered, "What...w-why did you-I mean...what did I do-?"

" 'Ruka, i'm sorry!! I'm really sorry, I-I didn't noticed that it was you...I thought you were an intruder! Hold on, i'll go get the first-aid kit.."

Iruka explained to the trembling Kakashi that he was crying more from shock than from pain, and the trembling Kakashi continued spilling out his apologies.

" Iruka, I-"

Iruka sighed. He pulled down Kakashis' mask and kissed him gently.

"It's alright, Kakashi. I could have easily made the same mistake..."

As Kakashi pulled his mask back up over his face, Iruka watched a faint blush creep over his cheeks.

"Anyways, 'Ruka..." Kakashi said, "What exactly were you doing in my kitchen?"

"Well...I was planning on making you dinner. I hoped it would be ready before you got home, but then I heard you come in and I started rushing. And that's how I knocked the plate off of the counter."

"I guess I ruined that..." Kakashi sighed.

"Oh, Kashi, stop putting herself down! Hey, why don't we go to Ichiraku, and i'll make you breakfast in the morning?"

"That sounds great."

The two stood up to leave, but were blinded by smoke that was pouring out of the kitchen.

"OMGILEFTTHEBURNERONOHNOES!!!!!!!" Iruka screamed, performing the correct fire escape procedure by falling onto the floor and rolling into the kitchen (which makes the correct fire escape procedure only half-correct; rolling into the source of the fire is of course, idiotic). Kakashi followed, holding a fire extinguisher.

"Heheheheh...sorry 'bout that, Kashi...I didn't mean to almost burn down your house..." Iruka exclaimed, trying and failing to catch his breath. Kakashi caught him as he stumbled over his own feet and fell.

"It's alright. You have NO idea how many times i've almost annihilated your house in a fire..."

"Wha-"

"Oh..um...nothing, nothing, really...Hey, maybe we'll see Naruto at Ichiraku..."

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	3. Chapter 3

Icha Icha Obsession

By: Hatake Ai

"Naruto, what are we-?"

"Shhhh!!! Trust me on this, Sasuke. I know what i'm doing."

The orange-clad ninja pried open the small window and squeezed his way in, with his raven-haired accomplice (and sometimes, lover) behind him.

"They have to be around here somewhere...Sasuke, check over there...doesn't it smell like there was a fire in here?" Naruto babbled. Sasuke turned at him, a sly look in his eyes.

"Like, the fires of loooooove?" He joked, doing his best to try and flirt. Naruto wasn't, so SOMEONE had to. Naruto smiled at him.

"Maybe..."

Naruto went into the kitchen and started filing through the cupboards.

"Hey, there WAS a fire in here!! I wonder what he burned.."

Sasuke walked into the hallway and opened a door that looked like a closet. Not only was it a closet, but it was a closet full of what they were looking for. Icha Icha. Millions (or so it seemed) of copies of every Icha Icha ever made came tumbling out of the closet in a messy fashion. Sasuke stood gaping at the pile.

"O.M.G"

Naruto rushed in from the kitchen, and his expression changed to match his friends'.

"O.M.F.G"

As the last book fell from the closet, the pile began to glow from awesomeness. For a minute, the two felt stoned, but after examining the books, Sasuke noted that the ones on top of the pile were special edition glow-in-the-dark copies. Naruto still seemed to think that a heavenly light had shone upon the books, screaming "Take them, Naruto! Take them!! They're all yours!!".

"Suuuuuuuure, Naruto-kun, angels are decending from the sky telling you it's OK to break one of the 10 Commandments, just this once, so we can steal all of these books. I bet God will be extremely pleased." Sasuke commented on Narutos' suggestion, as the knuckleheaded ninja started shoving the books into a large sack.

"...Not stealing is one of the 10 Commandments?"

Sasuke sighed and nodded, kneeling to help Naruto with his task. Making sure there was no evidence of their theft, except for the missing books, the two escaped through the window, closing it as they did. Little did the duo know that at a ramen shop not too far away, the very owner of the house they had just robbed had fallen off of his stool in shock. His partner jumped down to him.

"Kashi!!! Are you alright??"

Kakashi turned to Iruka, feeling foolish at his own overreaction to a sudden premonition. He decided, since it seemed to be turning Iruka on, to milk it just a little longer.

"I-I sense a...disturbance in the force..."

"Kakashi, this is no time for 'Star Wars'!! What happened?"

Kakashi sat up suddenly. He kind of liked where this was going.

"I think that...my house was robbed...no! My Icha Icha was robbed!!! Oh God! Ruka-chan, what shall I dooooooo!??!??"

Iruka sighed. _"He's doing this for attention..." _he thought, and he knew he was right. Slapping Kakashi would have been the best solution, but he decided against it. It would have made him look more like the girl Kakashi already absentmindedly called him.

"Alright, Mr. Hatake, let's go back to your house and check your porn closet, you manwhore, you."

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	4. Chapter 4

Kakashi broke down his own front door, which was ridiculous, as he was holding his keys. Rushing to the closet and flinging it open, Kakashi came to the terrible realization that all of his Icha Icha books were gone.

"NO!!! MY BOOKS CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET!!! I'M THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO TAKE THEM OUT!!!!! OH NOOOOOOooooOOOoo!" Kakashi yelled and fell to the floor. Iruka came over and knelt down next to him.

"Kakashi Hatake, you are truly pathetic." He sighed, trying to keep himself under control. He spotted something...odd on the floor next to the closet. Iruka picked it up and, after examining it, said,

"Kashi, look at this. I swear, I've seen this somewhere before.."

The two looked at each other, and said in unison:

"NARUTO!!"

Speaking of Naruto, he and Sasuke had returned to Narutos' house with the Icha Icha books in tow. Sasuke dropped the bag and collasped onto the couch with Naruto.

"Heh heh, we did it, Sasuke-kun!" Naruto exclaimed, catching his breath. Sasuke was actually quite interested in what the Icha Icha books were all about.

"Yeah...so...uhhhh...Naru-kun.."

"Yeah...um, you wanna read some?"

"Oh, Hell yes...!"

Naruto threw a bottle of sake at Sasuke.

"Where'd you get this?"

"Stole it from Kakashi-senseis' fridge..."

Sasuke smirked, knowing that the two of them were going to get into a lot of trouble, and took the sake to the kitchen. Naruto shuffled through the bag and chose a copy of 'Icha Icha Paradice'.

_"I don't get why Kakashi is so into these books...they really don't look all that bad...but that Pervy Sage Jiraiya DID say that they were only for sale to people eighteen and over...and he does write them...does the 'research' that he does tie into the Icha Icha books?"_

While Naruto thought, Sasuke came back with two cups of sake.

"Picked a book yet?"

Naruto nodded, putting an arm around Sasuke. If the book was really written by Jiriaya, Naruto figured that it must be full of the Pervy Sages' 'research'.

"Why that little-! Ungrateful...- I can't believe that he- why would-? RAAAAAWWWWWRRR!!!!" Kakashi sputtered, while Iruka tried to make sense out of the situation.

"I'm sure Naruto had a good reason for...uhhh...taking your books...I mean...umm-"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Kakashi continued to yell repeatedly, smacking his head into a wall. Iruka was sure that Kakashi wasn't faking it now; he was just overreacting.

"Kakashi, knock it off!!!" Iruka yelled loudly, shutting Kakashi up, "Tomorrow, you can go talk to Naruto about it, but right now, you're just getting so damn annoying!!"

A long silence followed, in which Kakashi leaned up against the wall, knowing that he had taken his act too far. He had never heard Iruka scream so loudly. Running his fingers though his hair, Kakashi sighed. He knew that Iruka, who was breathing heavily from yelling so much, was expecting an apology.

"I...I'm sorry...I guess I went a little overboard, huh?"

Iruka smiled and, wrapping his arms around Kakashi, whispered,

"Yeah, you have. But that's what makes you mine."


	5. Chapter 5

Hay guys (AKA people who are still reading)!!! Sorry about the...lack of updateage...but I had writer's block. Really bad writer's block. So, I took some time from not updating and instead changed my current location (AKA moving) and now I think I'm ready to try this again. Hopefully this doesn't suck TOO bad. XD I critisize myself on many levels. That's why I require my friend Alex (UminoAkeme) to proof-read all of my stories. Or at least all of this stories' chapters.

LAST CHAPTER! omgshockawescreamfaintdie

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The next moning, Kakashi woke up early like he always did and got dressed. He went out the front door and tripped over a big bag that looked full of books. Opening said bag, Kakashi found that it WAS full of books. His Icha Icha books.

_"It's a miracle!!"_Kakashi thought to himself, _"Only some sort of heavenly entity could have made this possibe!! ...Or at least that's what I'm gonna tell Iruka."_

He dragged the bag into the closet and closed it shut as Iruka came into the room.

"What's up, Kashi?" he mumbled, still tired and obviously not wanting to be up.

"It's a miracle, 'Ruka-chan!! I went outside this morning and there was a bag on the porch with all of my Icha Icha books in it!!!" Kakashi squealed. Iruka opened the closet door and shot a glance at the bag. He plucked a piece of paper off of the rope securing it shut.

_To Kakashi-sensei_

_From Naruto and Sasuke_

_Sorry we took your books. I dunno why we did it._

_Please don't kill us._

_PS: We took some of your sake, too. We aren't proud of it, either._

_PPS: We won't be at training today._

Iruka laughed and handed the note to Kakashi.

"What...why?" he asked.

"I don't know," Iruka replied, still laughing, "Maybe you should go ask them."

"But-but Iruka-chan!!!! I dun wanna!!!"

"Stop whining, Mr. Hatake, or you're grounded!"

"Awwwww..."

So Kakashi, with Iruka in tow ("I'm just making sure you don't try to get out of it and go hang out at the memorial for seven hours." Iruka told him), went to Naruto and Sasuke's apartment. When he knocked on the door, something blunt and heavy-sounding hit it and rattled to the floor.

"You know what," Kakashi said, "They sound terribly busy, so I guess we should just go home and-"

Iruka grabbed him by the ear, opened the door, and threw Kakashi in. Kakashi, hurting both phtsically and emotionally, headed to the back of the apartment, where the students were sprawled out on the floor, painfully drunk. He decided that maybe it would be fun to screw with them in their oblivious, loopy state, so he stepped on them a little bit.

"HAY GUYS ARE YOU DEAD???????" He yelled. Obviously _not _a good idea; Sasuke stood and hit Kakashi in the face with a...stuffed panda...?

"What the hell, guys? He asked.

"It...I..i...umm...Yooouuuu..." Sasuke muttered before tripping over Naruto's nearly unmoving body and eventually falling into a dresser. They all started laughing.

"Heh heh heh, you guys are funny when you're drunk!!"

"Owww, ahahahahaha."

"Sasuke, your shoe tastes yummy! I want to eat it.."

After a few minutes, everyone calmed down and Kakashi got to interrogating the two.

"So, guys...why did you take my Icha Icha books?"

"Ummmm...I dunno. Why did we, Sasuke?" Naruto asked.

"Hmm. I can't even remember. But I have _the _worst headache ever. Do either of you have any of that...medicine stuff you'd usually take for headaches?"

"Yeah, what is that stuff anyways?"

"How do you spell it? It's all...scientifical..."

At that point, Kakashi gave up on getting anything but nonsense out of the duo, gave them pills for their hangovers, and left. Iruka was waiting outside for him.

"So...did you find out why they took your books and got drunk and stuff?" he inquiried.

"No. They're too hung over."

"I expected as much. Do you think Sakura knows anything?"

Kakashi snorted, which made Iruka laugh, which made Kakashi laugh too.

"They never tell Sakura anything. I swear, they hardly recognize her existance." Kakashi stated.

"Speaking of Sakura," Iruka said, calming down a bit, "Does she know that Naruto and Sasuke aren't going to be at training, therefore, there won't **be**any training?"

Kakashi stared at him.

"You know, I really don't think that'll be a problem."

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In the middle of the big field where Team 7 usually trained, Sakura stood, looking awfully confused as to why no one else was there. She expected Kakashi-sensei to be late, but not Sasuke or Naruto. She sat on a tree stump, putting a piece of Pocky in her mouth and wondering what they could be doing.

_Maybe Kakashi-sensei got called out on a mission, and training got cancelled or something._She thought, _Or maybe...maybe THEY HAD A BIG STAG PARTY LAST NIGHT AND GOT ALL DRUNK AND HAD A GOOD TIME AND DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT IT???? _She started to get angry, _Why would they even do that? I'm one of the team, right? No, they wouldn't have a party like that...Sasuke would never get involved with something like that. WHY DOESN'T SASUKE LIKE ME???? I'm a loveable person, aren't I? It's not like I'm totally obsessive about hot, emo guys like Sasuke and tend to stalk them and get to know everything about them and even cut off a lock of their hair while they sleep or anything like that!!! ...Right?_

As she wallowed in her dramatic thoughts, she didn't seem to notice that she wasn't alone. She was being _watched_. By a particular green jumpsuit-clad shinobi.

"Oh Sakuraaaa!!!" The mysterious stalker called out. Sakura whirled around to see Rock Lee jump from the trees.

"Oh. It's...just you, Lee. I forgot you were gonna train with us today."

"Yeah, isn't this great?" he beamed, "Where is your team, anyways?"

Sakura sighed.

"I dunno...but Lee, I have something I wanna ask you."

Lee got really excited and happy and...whatever kind of things Lee feels when he gets excited.

_I know what this is about!! She's about to declare her never-ending love for me!!! _He thought.

"Do you..."

_Yes...?_

"Do you...?"

_YES???_

Sakura sighed again.

"Do you think Sasuke will ever like me?"

Lee fell backwards in an awkward fashion.

_I guess not..._

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A few days later, Naruto and Sasuke returned to training. For Sakura, it was a welcoming sight, but only because Lee had harrassed her with statements like, "Why don't you love ME??" or, "What does Sasuke have that I don't??" or her absolute favorite, "You know, I bet Sasuke's gonna screw every girl and Konoha but you!!! And you know why? Because he doesn't like you and you don't seem to understand that, and I don't understand that myself! I mean, he completely ignores you and he doesn't even seem to be aware of your existance!! Oh, and he spends WAAAAAAAY more time with Naruto, so I bet he's gay and they weren't at training because they were making out all night long!!!!" So happy, she was, that she threw her arms around Sasuke's neck, which was a big mistake. He threw her off and glared.

"Oh, Sasuke, I love you too!!" Sakura giggled, picking herself up off of the ground.

"God damn it, Sakura. Why don't you get it? I DON'T LIKE YOU." Sasuke yelled, trying so hard to reject her in a way she could comprehend. Apparently though, "I don't like you" means "I love you soo much, Sakura, take me now." and it was irritating everyone. So, Naruto decided to use one of the nifty rejection statements that they had read in Kakashi's Icha Icha books. He whispered one of the ones he remembered into Sasuke's ear. He smirked and faced Sakura again.

"Sakura," he began, "I don't like you. No, I can't stand you. I _detest_you, with a passion. And in no way do you turn me on, and I never want you to take me. EVER. Now leave Konoha, Sakura Haruno. Leave Konoha and NEVER COME BACK."

Sakura looked like she was about to cry, and she ran from clearing. Sasuke was pleased with himself, Naruto chased after her, screaming generic insults, and Kakashi applauded.

"Maybe you two stealing my books wasn't such a bad thing after all," He commented, "You definatly learned a lot. Of course, if Iruka-chan caught me telling you this, he'd make me sleep on the couch all week. So let's keep this between us, okay?"


End file.
